Peek-A-Boo Parenting

It seems these days that all things begin simple and go to complex as the discussion moves up the chain of command. For example, what is complicated about parenting? It takes common sense, serious thought, dedicated action, and daily commitment. Instead of focusing on the simplicity of what should come naturally to parents in raising children, we build elaborate explanations for poor parenting. Instead of tackling the parenting issue in a straightforward manner as Bill Cosby does, we build an array of complex solutions that require funding, governmental intervention that support places to dump our children, and academic treatise that define a multitude of esoteric explanations devoted to “parenting problems”.

Having said this, I was ruffling about in the stacks of papers on my desk looking for my latest thoughts on parenting when I came across an article I read and printed on March 7, 2010. It was printed in “The Daily Monitor; Truth Everyday; Uganda News…” It came from the Sunday Life section of the paper. I have no recollection of the article and I was intrigued as to what it was that made me print this article by Dennis D. Muhumuza. He credited Fagil Mandy, an educational consultant in Uganda, who developed a series of trainings. Mandy says, “The rising cases of child sacrifice, street children, starvation of children and violence in homes has resulted in a parenting crisis.” The article is amazing in its simplicity of solutions. Follow below the thinking of Fagil Mandy as he is interviewed by Dennis Muhumuza on Uganda’s “parenting crisis”.

Why have you started the Good Parenting training?

Because there is a parenting crisis and we cannot afford to have our future generations going without proper tuning and direction. Parents or potential parents, young people and university students, policy implementers or leaders both in government and private sector or even those interested in learning more about good parenting need to know about addressing the challenges of parenting today; we are going to look at the world of work and education; how to train a child to be a worker, thinker, leader. The world is changing so fast that the demands on a child or the growing up generations are so intense and diversified and the parent must be brought along to understand the diversity in the world today.

You talked of a parenting crisis. What really is the problem?

I’ve run workshops for parents and young people and have made some discoveries: I’ve found out, particularly children from middle class parents have no capacities to deliver, to work, to produce or generate ideas. And, today, because most parents are working, the child is largely neglected so there is an increasing mystery or this huge gap between the parents and the children. Also, I’ve met a lot of parents who think parenting is simply producing a child; most of them think that a child of four or five years doesn’t need any particular guidance and counseling, or driving in a certain direction, so there’s a heavy dose of ignorance. Even more, our education system is not equipping our children with the right attitude, mindset and physical skills to succeed in this tough world.

What are the major concerns of young people in regard to the way they are brought up?

The last time I carried out a leadership training programme, I asked the children what they would have wished their parents to teach them. Many of them regretted that their parents had not talked to them enough about issues of love, relationships, sexuality and even politics and leadership. Also, most of them complained their fathers hardly featured in their lives and that they feel not protected or guided by their parents.

Did you also register any complaints by parents about their children?

Of course! Most parents cried out about the cartoons on TV; their children are becoming cartoons themselves; TV has become a preoccupation for young people. And most TV stations show pornographic material – it is killing their children.

But how can children keep themselves occupied meaningfully in a situation where parents are at work and cannot keep a close eye on them?

But you see, I don’t agree that every parent must work away from home. One of my sons works but his wife is a stay-at-home mother. But most mothers don’t want to first stay home and raise their children because of greed, it’s all primitive accumulations; we think that the wife must produce so much money and the husband so much money but I think someone intelligent enough must sacrifice; why can’t wife and husband organize their activities in such a way that, say, the husband works out and the wife stays at home or looks after a small family business that involves the children too? Parents must involve children in the family business.

In this age of emancipation, women cannot surely be expected to stay at home to look after children.

Why not? I think, again, it is greed; a lot of women are running around in this so called economic independence because they want to run wild programmes. I disagree with that sort of thing because every child needs a stay-at-home mother because there is no way you are going to compensate for the emotional dislocation of a child who has not had proper parentage.

What is the true measure of a parent?

First, one must be knowledgeable enough – one is not going to be a parent worth their soul when they are ignorant; a parent must know a bit of everything because they are the encyclopedia for their child. Secondly, parents must know how to do several things because a child must follow their example; you must be a good reader, be able to clean your own compound, fix a bulb and have a multi-skilled capacity for your child to emulate. Also, you must be healthy; no child likes to grow up with a dying parent; remember, a parent must help the child lead a healthy life and how can you do that if you are not healthy yourself? Then of course, a parent must be able to generate enough income to look after the family and be available to provide the time required for the child. If you are unavailable, don’t produce the child.

Simple, straight forward, uncomplicated – Mr. Fagil Mandy is on to something in Uganda!

Are animals better parents than humans?

Our Children’s School began in a garage, grew into 2 garages, then an art room, then an outside garden plot, then a small kitchen for cooking, and then into the woods surrounding our home. Our sons decided daily, weekly, monthly  what it was that interested them and this determined their curriculum. They dissected worms, a cow’s heart they got “FREE” from the local slaughter house, and frogs. They looked at the stars and studied the universe and its constellations. This brought them to Greek mythology and the Gods. Soon they delved into space travel and astronauts and then went on to Space Camp in Alabama. Dinosaurs were big and so they studied the Jurassic period and took a field trip to Utah’s Dinosaur Valley. They built a tree house on a hill with a tree in the middle of the floor that they insisted could not be cut down – after all, “that is why we call it a tree house Mooooom!”

All of their preschool education incorporated the outdoors and the natural world. I can’t imagine how it is possible to educate preschool children without the outdoors for that is what intrigues them most. They love insects, small animals, rainy days with puddles to jump into, snowmen and snowball fights, butterflies, and the woods. The natural world and the woods are a home to them. They are free to run, explore, conquer, and grow.

It is with great satisfaction that I read an article this morning about a “forest kindergarten” in Vashon Island, WA. The Cedarsong Nature School is a forest preschool and among several that have opened in recent years in the U.S. This is a movement that originated in Europe (and my garages 30 years ago, chuckling). The purpose is to get kids out from in front of televisions and into the natural world. The kids love it! They are outdoors all day, studying how life interacts with them in the woods. These children are different when they enter elementary school. They are healthier, livelier, curious, more mature, compassionate, and intellectually alive. They have an inner joy that is hard to explain, which I believe comes from their knowledge of the natural world and their comfort within it. They are fearless.

Erin Kenny opened the Cedarsong Nature School, after she read “The Last Child in the Woods”, which I discussed in my previous post. In the book, Richard Louv coined the phrase “nature-deficit disorder” to explain a lack of connection between the country’s children and nature. He argues that the decrease in nature dwelling leads to a rise in childhood obesity, attention disorders, and depression. The evidence of this surrounds us. Go to the local mall on any afternoon after school and look at the children, who are usually obese, tattooed, “pants on the ground”, alienated, and looking for something to do inside an enclosed mall when the entire world is waiting for them to explore. They are an interesting comment on their parents and their rote education.

“We gain life by looking at life.”

Dr. Mardie Townsend, a researcher and associate professor  School of Health and Social Development at Deakin University in Victoria, Australia

In the woods on a Balancing Bar

When we discuss the alarming rates of obesity in our children we are only talking about food. Right?

WRONG!

When we discuss obesity in our children we are talking about iPhones, computers, the internet, iPod / MP3 players, cell phones, lap tops, video games, movies, and televisions in bedrooms.

Obesity is about both parents working. It is about moms and dads depending on MacDonald’s, Burger King, and other fast food places that serve up quick meals that are artificially manipulated to appeal to the taste buds of their children. The calorie loaded nutrition-less food appeals to the lazy or dead tired side of our nature.

It is about school cafeterias who serve the dark edge of junk food to their students. It is about the money schools receive from vending machine operators. They are the suppliers of colas, candy, chips, and the vast assortment of empty calories to our children. It is about parental, teacher, administrator, complacency in the health of our children.

IT IS NOT JUST ABOUT FOOD! It is about the lack of exercise, play, friendship, and nature. It is about this generation’s sedentary, isolated, lonely life. The average young American now spends practically every waking minute, except for the time in school, using a smart phone, computer, television or other electronic device, according to a new study from the Kaiser Family Foundation.

The most disturbing fact in my mind is that millions of children have never planted a seed, walked through the woods, identified an insect, built a fort, fished in a stream, or sat in a field of tall grass or flowers. It is about an entire generation of children and the staggering divide between them and the outdoors.

I am reading a book by Richard Louv, “Last Child in the Woods”, which discusses the absence of nature in the lives of today’s wired generation which is directly linked to the rise in obesity, attention disorders, and depression. Direct exposure to nature is essential for healthy childhood development and for the physical and emotional health of children and adults. He says, “We should explore ways in which to develop programs that bring children beside quiet streams, or on top of mountains, or in the middle of a forest where they may feel the peace within themselves.” Summer camps used to be about that, but they are now financially unreachable for many in this economy, so they stay at home in front of their TV’s or computers, eating pizza, and drinking colas.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT:

1. We need to get our children outside and away from electronics. They need to meet their neighborhood friends. Neighborhood parents could help by planning events/games for the children – a parental commitment to their children’s health.
2. We need to be able to provide affordable fun that is also an outdoor adventure for children. We have 391 National Parks with 84 million acres, in 49 states with 21,000 full-time employees, and 275 million annual visits. These are affordable places for children to have the great outdoor experience. The National Parks produced a document called, “National Parks Second Century Commission Committee Reports” and can be viewed at www.npca.org.
3. There is a concerted effort on behalf of the government to address the physical activity of all children. The White House Press Secretary released a Memo on April 16, 2010 called, “A 21^st Century Strategy for America’s Great Outdoors”.
4. SCHOOL LUNCHES CALLED A NATIONAL SECURITY THREAT – All branches of the military are seriously concerned about the inability of our future armed services to defend our country. A new report released Tuesday, April 20, 2010, states that more than 9 million young adults, or 27% of all Americans ages 17 to 24, are too overweight to join the military. Retired Navy Rear Adm. James Barnett Jr. said, “When over a quarter of young adults are too fat to fight, we need to take notice.” He noted that national security in the year 2030 is “absolutely dependent” on reversing child obesity rates.
5. Whatever happened to backyard gardens? Why can’t we plant neighborhood or community gardens where our children plant the seeds, harvest the garden, and help prepare the meals? Why can’t parents discuss nutrition with them as the seeds are planted and the garden harvested?

There is no greater thing we can do for our children and for the future of this country than to insure their good health, self esteem, and compassion for the earth. It begins at birth, in the home, with loving parents who rise above their own self interests and toss the baggage from their past to become exceptional humans. Parents are the only people who can make permanent changes in childhood obesity. The government can pour billions into programs, but if the parents are not committed the children will follow their lead and wallow in their fat.

The real story about childhood obesity revolves around an era/generation of immediate gratification. Think about standing in front of your microwave waiting for the 1 minute meal and saying, “Hurry”. Think about working on your computer, it crashes, requires a reboot, and you are saying “Hurry”. Think about driving to work on a busy, crowded street and risk getting one car length ahead because you are in a “Hurry”. What is it about our lives where we no longer care about ourselves, which results in our not caring about the welfare of our children?

Childhood Obesity is a serious weight, self esteem, health care cost, and physical productivity problem in America. Who is to be held accountable; the Fast Food industry, the Parents, the Teachers, the Schools, the Government, the Pediatricians, the Pharmaceutical companies?

Let us begin at the beginning. To make this very simple – it’s the Parents! They are the ones who get the kids started. They establish the patterns. They teach by example. Their children follow them like ducklings behind their mother. In America 32% of 2-7 years and 65% of 8-18 years have television in their bedrooms. Is this excessive sitting in front of a TV not the responsibility of the parents? It is your household, you make the rules! When a parent drives through Burger King or KFC for dinner every night the children accept this as being “The Way”. When a parent sits in front of a TV all night the children see this as “The Way”. Children are the reflection of their parents.

Research studies show that most eating and physical activity habits are exclusively established in childhood. Psychologists say that most of one’s lifelong habits and traits are established by the age of 12.  Excess body fat that is accumulated in a child persists throughout childhood and into adulthood. Further, childhood obesity studies reveal that 40% of obese children and 70% of obese adolescents become obese adults. Indeed, by the time an obese child turns six years old, his/her chance of becoming an obese adult is over 50%.

Let us also keep in the front of our minds the calorie loaded, nutrient absent food served in our public schools across America. Do not forget the vending machines with the Corporate colas, which are consumed in place of juice or milk, or the candy, donuts, cookies, chips, and other junk food that our ‘uneducated in nutrition’ children have at their disposal. Parents begin it and if they don’t serve it at home, the schools will stuff our children with calorie filled junk food because they don’t care; they are not their kids.

Some sobering statistics:

• According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, over the past three decades the childhood obesity rate has more than doubled for preschool children aged 2-5 years and adolescents aged 12-19 years, and it has more than tripled for children aged 6-11 years. (“Prevalence of Overweight and Obesity Among Children and Adolescents: United States, 1999-2002″; Oct. 6, 2004)
• Obesity-associated annual hospital costs for children and youth more than tripled over two decades, rising from $35 million in 1979-1981 to $127 million in 1997-1999.  (“Preventing Childhood Obesity: Health in the Balance, 2005,” Institute of Medicine.)
• Nearly one-third of U.S. Children aged 4 to 19 eat fast food every day, resulting in approximately six extra pounds per year, per child. Fast food consumption has increased fivefold among children since 1970. (“Effects of Fast-Food Consumption on Energy Intake and Diet Quality Among Children in a National Household Survey,” Pediatrics, January 2004.)
• For children born in the United States in 2000, the lifetime risk of being diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes at some point in their lives is estimated to be about 30 percent for boys and 40 percent for girls. (“Preventing Childhood Obesity: Health in the Balance, 2005,” Institute of Medicine.)
• In a population-based sample, approximately 60 percent of obese children aged 5 to 10 years had at least one cardiovascular disease risk factor, such as elevated total cholesterol, triglycerides, insulin or blood pressure, and 25 percent had two or more risk factors.  (“Preventing Childhood Obesity: Health in the Balance, 2005,” Institute of Medicine.)

Sobering Minority Data:

• Among boys, the highest prevalence of obesity is observed in Hispanics. Among girls, the highest prevalence is observed in African Americans. (“Preventing Childhood Obesity: Health in the Balance, 2005,” Institute of Medicine.)
• According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, non-Hispanic black (21 percent) and Mexican-American adolescents (23 percent) ages 12-19 were more likely to be overweight than non-Hispanic white adolescents (14 percent).  (“Prevalence of Overweight and Obesity Among Children and Adolescents: United States, 1999-2002″; Oct. 6, 2004.)
• According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Mexican-American children ages 6-11 were more likely to be overweight (22 percent) than non-Hispanic black children (20 percent) and non-Hispanic white children (14 percent).  (“Prevalence of Overweight and Obesity Among Children and Adolescents: United States, 1999-2002″; Oct. 6, 2004.)

Sobering Healthcare Costs:

• Obesity-associated annual hospital costs for children and youth more than tripled over two decades, rising from $35 million in 1979-1981 to $127 million in 1997-1999.  (“Preventing Childhood Obesity: Health in the Balance, 2005,” Institute of Medicine.)
• Obese individuals spend 36% more on health care costs and 77% more on medications per year than individuals of normal weight.
• Lost productivity related to obesity among Americans ages 17 to 64 costs $3.9 billion a year.

I find it interesting as I listen nightly to the ongoing intense adult discussions about civil rights, the Constitution, and individual rights, that little is said about the rights of our children to have a health filled life and the looming catastrophe of the loss of our children.  Who speaks for them?

My next post is “Food for Thought”.

Do you remember your first grade teacher telling you that no two snowflakes were the same? Our teacher gave us scissors and white paper. We folded the paper in half many times and then did cutouts with our scissors. I unfolded the paper and there it would be, my ‘snowflake’. As hard as I tried no two were ever the same, and as many as I would cut, each would be different in some way. I also tried to catch them when they fell so I could see their differences, but they melted in my hand. This snowflake mystery was one of life’s conundrums for me.

We do know for certain that, like snowflakes, no two humans are the same. There is an abundance of research published to substantiate this. Yet we educate our children as if they were all the same, ready for  identical educational experiences at the same age.

I am reading Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell. Even though I knew the educational requirements for entry into kindergarten for children, I had not thought about the negative ramifications that Gladwell presents in his book. I home schooled our sons and did not have to face these challenges.

Now think about this for a moment! Kindergarten accepts children at age 6. Gladwell says, “Parents with a child born at the end of the calendar year often think of holding their child back before the start of kindergarten: it’s hard for a five-year-old to keep up with a child born many months earlier. But most parents, one suspects, think that whatever disadvantages a younger child faces in kindergarten eventually goes away. But it doesn’t. It’s just like hockey. The small initial advantage the child born in the early part of the year has over the child born at the end of the year persists. It locks children into patterns of under achievement, encouragement and discouragement, that stretch on and on for years.”

Kelly Bedard and Elizabeth Dhuey, two economists, studied the relationships between scores and birth month among 4th graders in the Trends in International Mathematics and Science Study test (TIMSS), which is given to children in many countries every four years. They found that the oldest children by birth month scored somewhere between 4 and 12 percentile points better than the youngest children. That, as Dhuey explains, “is a huge effect”. Gladwell goes on to say, “It means that if you take two intellectually equivalent fourth graders with birthdays at opposite ends of the cutoff date, the older student could score in the eightieth percentile, while the younger one could score in the sixty-eighth percentile. That’s the difference between qualifying for a gifted program or not.”

The only country that does not place students in advanced groupings by ‘ability’ is Denmark. They have a national policy of no grouping by ability until the age of ten. By this time maturity differences by age have evened out. The US educational system confuses maturity with ability. Birth month is crucial for our children when entering the school systems in America. How tragic and unfortunate for those children who are destined to endure patterns of under achievement throughout their educational experiences. Someone, somewhere decided long ago that all our children would enter the system at a certain age, regardless of maturity and ability.

Dhuey emphatically states in Outliers, “I mean, it’s ridiculous. It’s outlandish that our arbitrary choice of cutoff dates is causing these long-lasting effects, and no one seems to care about them.”

Who did this and why do we tolerate it? Where are the champions for children? Why do parents continue to allow this to continue?